lostatsea

Bland

2006-08-06T02:41:00.000-07:00

I HATE looking at pictures of myself. I look like my mother. I don't want to look like her. So bland and fat-faced and big-hipped. It's not fair. I guess I can say that a million times and it still won't be fair. I love myself I really do but I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE HER.

Drunk Before Dark

2006-07-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

Jeremy & I went over to Liz's for a bbq...and I ended up being drunk by 7pm. How sad is that? I wasn't even trying..I was just having a good time and sipping my Mike's Hard Lemonade and before I know it, I've had 7...oops. We came home because they were supposed to be shooting fireworks off the pier but they were cancelled (so I didn't get to see ANY 4th of July fireworks) so we just ended up passing out at 8pm. What a wild night! *sarcasm* :D

Tomorrow I will be 19

2006-06-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

19 is such a boring birthday...no becoming a legal adult and no legal drinking...boo.
Anyway..last week was the first week of my internship and it was crazy. 80% of the patients are spanish-speakers so a lot of the time I was communicating through horrible spanish/hand signals. But I learned soooo much and I really do enjoy my job which is a first. I got to watch a Pap smear and although I've had one..it's really strange to be on the other end of it. It was a really exhausting week but I am excited to go back in a few weeks. I am really excited to move. I can't wait until we get to Florida. I love it here but sometimes it's just too damn crowded/expensive. Plus when we get to Fla I can get a job and we can get another car. Finally!

Circus Folk

2006-06-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

I just got back from X-Fest a few hours ago...and Panic! at the Disco was fucking awesome. No other way to describe it. Very Killers-ish but a thousand times better. And I'm secretly in love with Adam from She Wants Revenge..my tongue still hurts but that's what I get for piercing it and my throat hurts like hell from screaming and singing but it was worth it!
Becky and Erica left me today to go back to stupid Illinois...I'm sad but they left sticky notes all over my apartment with cute sayings, which made me bawl. I don't know what I did to deserve such great friends but I am definitely blessed.
I love you girls and I miss you already!!!

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep........

2006-05-25T00:12:00.000-07:00

I have a farkin' headache...I'm tired but I can't/don't wanna go to sleep...damn DH for his ability to fall asleep in 2.4 seconds...not fair. I should just take some Benadryl and feel fuzzy and go to sleep. What I really want is a Smirnoff Ice or a Hurricane...yummy! I'm still trying to figure out things to do with the girls when they get out here..um the beach...the beach..and the beach again! It was GORGEOUS today..and there was this tiny little boxer puppy on the beach..I wanted to steal him and take him home. I really want another furbaby to play with Mia, they would be so damn cute together..I heard it's been really hot in Da Burg..it's only like 70 here but it can stay that way because we don't have AC...:-X

Why is there a manatee at the airport?

2006-05-23T00:51:00.000-07:00

I have been STARVING lately. Just hungry all the time. Becky and Erica aren't going to recognize me when they come to visit...I don't know what the deal is. Mmmm. I want ramen noodles. I just had a slim jim...slim jims kick ass by the way. I cannot wait until my radiography class is over in a week! I'm so bad, I didn't do any homework today..and I don't care!

400 pages

2006-05-18T01:08:00.000-07:00

I read books and bawl. I just finished "My Sister's Keeper"..it's was beautiful. And I cry soo much and I don't know if I'm even crying over the book. Maybe I'm holding in all the things I don't cry about. But what do I have to cry about? Nothing in my life is as sad or beautiful as these books..nothing worth crying over..nothing in my life is worth crying over...it feels so good to cry..maybe that's why I read..the words are my addiction.

Fulfillment

2006-05-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

What is fulfillment? It's what we're all looking for, but how do we find it? I'm not talking about the kind of fulfillment you get from another person, but a kind of personal harmony. A peace that means life has a purpose and you play a part in the greater good. Am I the only one searching for this? Or do some people just never think about it? Maybe they have it easier because they don't know what they are missing.

And the shot me in THE TESTICLE!

2006-05-07T02:09:00.000-07:00

LMAO Liz's DH is hilarious when he's drunk..he just makes up random ass stories and tells them. Before he was drunk his stories from the fleet where hilarious...puting someone on watch for a pile of shit lmfao..anyway DH passed out as soon as we got home and I've been up getting something to eat and just fucking around..I feel bad about putting Mia back in the bathroom..she was so happy when we got home..she ran around in a circle around the house for like 20 mins...ick I drank too much Hurricane...

Frustration

2006-05-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I look at all of these stupid student loans and the crap I've had to go through to go to school. AAAAGGGHH...sometimes I just want to quit and get a job doing whatever and just pay off the crappy loans I have now but I know it will be worth it in the end when I have a career I love and I'm Done DONE DONE!!!

Tattooed

2006-05-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

how do you decide what is important enough to be on your body FOREVER? I don't get it..maybe I'm asking for too much. I want something on me that encompasses all my pain and joy and triumph..something that reminds me of my strength and makes me feel beautiful. So what is it?

Panic! at the Disco

2006-05-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

"Camisado"
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back

You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada

You can take the kid out of the fight
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fighttake the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

I have blisters

2006-04-29T01:23:00.000-07:00

I just had to wear the new pointy cowboy boots to the mall today....they are so freaking cute and some guy asked me if they were real BCBG's...sweet. But now I actually have blisters on top of the calluses on both of my feet. Ouchy. I saw a Panic at the Disco shirt at Hot Topic and I really wanted it because they are my new obsession. It's almost sick how much I love them..I had a really creepy nightmare earlier when I was taking a nap. I was with Jeremy and everywhere we went Erin was there..we couldn't seem to get rid of her. I really hope it's not a sign. I feel kind of icky this week. Really bored without school for the week but so excited that I have an internship set up for June!! Time to buy some scrubs ;)

Poor DH is Sick

2006-04-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

Poor Jeremy's been sick for a week now. I thought it was a cold because I was a bit sick too, but I got better and he just seems to stay sick. If he's not better tomorrow, I'm making him go to medical. I really hope we get to go to Florida. The fastest growing job there is Medical Assisting...perfect! I'm kind of sick of the busy-ness of SoCal. But if we do move I will miss the scenery. San Diego is beautiful.

I miss stupid classes I don't need to take

2006-04-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

Well...I say that now but I always hated writing my history papers..but anyway, I kind of miss taking classes about stuff I'll never use in the real world. Anatomy & Physiology has fried my brain. I'm sooo glad I quit that babysitting job...it was the job from hell with a 2 hour commute. No thank you. My back is killing me from carrying a 3 year old around too. I am having a horrible time finding a doctor's office that will take me as an intern. Makes me want to cry..but I've got another month and a half to look. Guess I'll go through the whole phonebook of unpronouncable doctor's names. I'm soooo excited to go to X-Fest 12..wooo I get to see She Wants Revenge, Dashboard Confessional, Panic at the Disco..and I am so fucking excited. Concerts make me happy.
Lately I've been kind of homesick..even for Da Burg..I miss just driving and seeing NO CARS. That would be heaven. I miss Becky & Erica but they're coming to visit in June. Yay! And I miss my bros...they're growing up without me. We might get to move to Florida this fall though..that would be effing awesome

I don't know who doesn't think I'm good enough

2006-04-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what I want to do. I wonder if I'll be happy being a M.A. I think I will, but I feel like I have to go to nursing school. What if I don't want to? What if I just want to be a mommy? What if I never figure out what I want to do? Maybe I'll just never grow up...I think that if I was a M.A. forever I would feel like I wasn't good enough, but that makes no sense if I'm happy in the career. Sometimes I think no matter what I do I'll feel like it's not enough...when I tell my family what I'm going to school for they say "Oh..until you can do something else?" or "Oh...just until you go to nursing school?"...that's really insulting that they say I'm too smart for this..what does that even mean?

I must be an idiot

2006-04-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

I offered to sew a patch on DH's working whites...hand-sew it on. Ugh...one hour later, it's on! But my hands are asleep and so is my butt. We *hopefully* get to go to SeaWorld. Woo...penguins!! I wanna see penguins so bad! This new job seems pretty cool. I've already got 4 jobs for next week and the money is pretty good. Seems they pay a lot for good childcare in Cali. I went to a Mary Kay party Liz hosted and the lady made me up like a whore. We were trying so hard not to laugh. Her son is too cute though...

Today is Over

2006-04-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Showing the in-laws around town is very exhausting. I really love them but I'm used to having the days to myself to get school and housework done. But I haven't had to cook all week..yay. I want another dog. Mia's getting too big for my lap and it makes me sad. Plus she's too damn hyper. I want a pomeranian. I can't wait to be done with school. Only 1 year left...boo. I got the job working for the babysitting company. So hopefully I will make some extra cash there so that I can get a tattoo and be a bad-ass....

Never done this blog thing before

2006-04-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

And I'm not really sure why I'm doing it now. I used to write in a journal but I hate my handwriting, it's too messy. Not that anyone reads it anyway. The internet seems like a better place to write down random thoughts and feelings...they'll never be permanent like pen on paper, they'll just float away into the oblivion of cyberspace..which is just how I like it.